A new life in the woodsWhile she explained how Ihad been hooked in bythe same emotionally distant traits you shared with my father, Ipaddled in the sublime fields of your eyes, spittingdandelions into stars underwater. We hadbeen to couples' counselling twice before. The first told us to give upwhile the second shrugged a silence that saidwe could always kill ourselves together. Romeo and Julietwas not a warning to us though, more a flashyholiday brochure, laid suggestively on the coffee table. I sighedas I saw you draw in the mostpainful oxygen molecules you could find, to coverthe sound of my wailing abandonment inside. I remembered in that momenta novel I wrote when I was fourteen, about two teenagers who meet,run away together,and make a new life in the woods. There they help each other through the flashbacksof their abusive childhoods.After therapywe step into a bereaved cold, sludgedcoffee cups and dump trucks. I look into yourscared scared soul and screamcome home with me, come
If you find meI collapsedat your turned back. Your disappearing jacket a cliff faceI flailed to hold onto. It was never more clearthat I had hung onto every word you said, your eyesmy footholds in consciousness. My fingerdid not even dribble a dewdown your shoulder blade.Falling from youwas the same as falling for youjust in reverse. Connection, colour and perceptiononce brought to me without explanation or warningsnuffed out just the same, leaving me a trailing smoke. To wanderand dissipate. Remnant smoke still existsbut no one everknowswhere.Search parties will not navigate between the darkness of molecules for me.I may yetbe inside of you;depending on whether you turned to a peaceful exhaleor a pained and wanting in-takeof breath.