dreamingshadow

I wander the empty corridors of 3am; it is only then that I truly want to scream. I want sound to be all mine, for the ghost dripping echoes to validate me. I am healing. My body is healing. I lie amongst the chatter and the piercing yelps and shrieks. Their origin remains a mystery but their emotional depths do not. I do my affirmations as the nurse loads new fluids into my drip. I am healing more every day. My eyes follow suspicious cloudy bubbles to the top. And pop. I am enough, my body is enough. The staff laugh and I dig my nails into my thigh. Across the way an old man scrapes his spoon against his bowl with such ferocity I can feel it against the bloody walls of my skull. Today I am better than I was yesterday. A sterile whitewash whirlpool. I watch the lines of the tiles spin and form a graveyard of pylons about me. I recover more and more with each breath. The sound of ughhhhh ughhhhh ughhhhh as a man drags himself across

I come up for air from dreams as deep as all of space and time and I am breathing you you are in the little sips I take as my heartbeat slows to match the seconds falling into the past warmth there your tossled hair nestling somewhere between my shoulder and breast feeling those clustered heartbeats forming your sleeping nest 'talk to me,' you say as I close my eyes drifting in darkness we are fireflies ねぇ 今日は よく頑張ったね 分かるよね 辛い時があっても 君のせいかあたしのせいかとは 限らないよ and I know you don't understand but like moonlight my words still wash over you, they carry you safely into the night あのね 今日は本当に頑張った 誰も見てくれなくても 辛いことは辛いよ でもね その辛いことはどんなに辛くても 君の方が強い どんなことがあっても 信じてるよ だから 生きててね 生きて欲しい the breaths of daylight are seeking me and the warmth within my heart しばらく休んでてね 今休んでいいから 愛してるよ、今は 明日も愛してる あたしたちが二度と 会えなくても ずっとここで待ってるよ 起きてないけどまだ寝てない この魔法の間で

Yours is the shadow at the end of a street charred by night. I watch as the last details of you are submerged into darkness: a deranged, prowling blackness that repeats on me, that pours out of me whenever I speak or write everything I touch bubbles with black while ink writes my thoughts: it consumes me I am an automoton, feet oiled by a river of it. I track your footsteps for the thousandth time, yes, this was the precise inception point of the meaningless implosion of my universe. I stop, drained of any colour, at a shop window. Old second hand tv sets flicker and fight the light in static. Like a transmission from a planet I will never set foot on I see you smiling and her smiling and you both smiling together. I know nothing but that your happiness is acidic to my existence. I stare dumbfounded. Punished by grief. Resigned. I already feel the teeth the image grows biting through a thousand tomorrows' nightmares. You

black desert I trip through midnight dunes find the clues a single wisp of smoke I clamour slide and fall again I am too late nothing but ash time is endless and place is ever shifting beneath me